It's been awhile since I last kept in touch with myself. Too long perhaps. That would explain the vaguely nagging feeling that I am losing something important to myself, some ability to connect or relate to others on any level. Social interaction just feels more and more meaningless by the day when I feel like there is so much more I should be focusing on. That being said, it still gets lonely as fuck and I feel like I have talked about this before in one of my latest posts or so. I suppose this has yet to subside even if it was meant to. I've been having sudden lapses of missing bits and pieces of the past intently. It's the weirdest of things that set me off, from fetishes over video games to my brother just trying annoying the piss out of me. Everything always looks so much greener on the other side.

More often than not, I look around and it jolts me to realise that there is not a single person's life that I want myself to lead in the future. It's really the sole idea that everything I am working for in this very moment (CT1s, SATs, cross-country) will build up into something bigger, and much more significant than what life is to me now. It has dawned on me that this could be nothing more than an intangible self-crafted lie built to reason myself into accepting the reality of this present situation I have found myself stuck in. I suppose when one finds themselves in such a scenario, living in the moment would then be defined as burning oneself out.