I got so sick of being on my own
Now the devil wont leave me alone
It's almost like I found a friend
Who's in it for the bitter end/














It was a rather productive day with mel, i guess the food at buono vista makes up for it's insane distance from my house yay 3 cheers to melly for that!!!

Ps. She puts the happy into happystreet. I miss her.

Just like smoke, exhaled after smoking the last cigarette, swirling and swirling into this vortex, readying yourself for your next escape.


It's absurd.

Morning run - Piano - Kaya butter toast - Ikea - Somerset - Scape - Orchard.

















I'd really love for things to stay the way they are right now. You are a part of my life. Confused as I am, I'm thankful for you.

Cheers to yesterday being one of the better days





and to my biste for being a part of it

And arcade basketball

Not to mention a completely unexpected teary mopey feely ending to the Twilight saga

I've been doing alot of thinking lately (not a very smart thing to do) and realised that as a person, I tend to think way more than what's good for me before I actually put into action.

It's definitely the case for most of my friendships, and whatever relationships I have that have been gradually moulded into that. I think, doubt, question and never actually allow myself the space to be happy and live in the moment.

Well, it's a complete different issue when it comes to my relationships and... all that. I tend to not think at all; just allow myself to be led blindly into the warmth and comfort of my own feels. That's when I actually start to feel happy. I am not thinking. I just do, rather than think, overthink and overdo every damn thing related to rooting my doubts.

The real root to happiness really is to simply be that straightforward simpleton. Or in other words, a kid. There really is no point reading a colossal load of meaning into every damn thing you come across.






Okay... This is not working out very well, I feel as though I'm whirling and rounding back in a huge complicated circle.

Ps. I'm not 'that kind' of person; I don't like to be defined.

Good evening friends tonight I stumbled upon the biggest issue about my industrial piercing lol i cannot fit the bloody bar in cuz the hole aint big enough
























My ear is really red and throbbing from my efforts in shoving the bar in..... Otherwise yeah all is fine ALL's fine








I suppose i will just have to go bar hunting tomorrow for thinner bars




Reward for guarding fern's parking lot for 15mins while she drove out with mr (red head) soh and friends to get food





Today was certainly something. Well... In school, after marshalling, spending time with my favourite people and discovering stuff. At BK with mel and charlotte and.... Giving my balloon to a little girl on the MRT with charlotte. Then getting two packs of chocolate mint thins that I will never finish.

Sigh then there's her... I don't know how and why but it feels as though we've lost everything we once had. The look on your face... All those things you said after I got together with her months back, how hurt you were. The way you looked away when I bumped into you guys at nex today. It's fucking hurtful.


Have got to thank these amazing people for saving my day towards the end. Sorfina too and ofc lidiya for always making me smile in the awkz of the moment. 3rd week every month yeah now that's a plan to follow through. Love you guys.

It really feels like I'm losing it this time. Just so so so exhausted and I'm breaking down. I no longer have anyone to turn to and i just can't seem to believe that I don't need anyone. I don't know why you have to do this and it hurts like hell, what the fuck happened to being my 'best friend' two years back. I needed you terribly the past two years but yeah you had it all, you've always had.

I just want all of this shit to end, and for you to grow the fuck up, because whatever it is that you are doing is making my head hurt so much.






God, i'm so tired and i dont even know why the fuck i'm crying so much over this shit


Woke up at 3+ I guess you can say I repaid my sleepless night debt











Headed to the Gardens for the third time though it was my first time going in the night and it was... Magical likess a disney lols had dinner and supper afterwards and now i am supposed to sleep but NO cuz i woke up 8h ago







Seriously feel my body oozing exhaustion when i lie down knowing that i will be able to sleep for the first time in two insane days

ZzzzzZzzz

It's our last camp together, as Athena, let's make it worthwhile. :-) We've worked unbelievably hard for this, what more all day today. My body aches for all that we deserve as a squad and more.



My wallet aches cuz jen and i just went up a level on the broke-scale becuzzz AC shopping

Campfire campfire campfire here we come, no fear; aninja's here

Since I've been browsing through my notes... Here's another one I found. Thoughts we morphed into a song-wannabe

she's crying
it seems always the case
i'm a sucker at this
never knew whatever i needed to do
never not at a loss for clues
never quite at the right place

no seriously,
perhaps we can include her more?
or is that too forced
and not ideal

things like this happen naturally
and she knows we're typing here

it is quite obvious
crying is a striking word
then do we leave her be?
and simply look on?

:(

Hey T-Rex, here's a little something I found typed out in my phone:

When athena would have random outbursts of laughter at everything ma'am qianwei does because she is hilarious like that. All those apts during recess and we would sing the stupidest things while planking. All those 65 pumpings. When ma'am joycelyn would check everyone's hands to make sure nobody was injured. All those water breaks and we would make sure everyone drank. When ma'am germine snaps the twine and I would start freaking out. When I pull too much all the time. When I screamed 'Bitch' at Wanlin and ma'am sharon thought it was directed at her. All those times ma'ams came back and we had to greet them. That time right before prelims when ma'am izni and ma'am weijun made us march all over the school and look back on our entire campcraft journey and people stared. When I had to go over to Mafia for one pitch and I cried when I came back because I missed T-Rex so much. All those blisters and balakus. All those blueblacks on our knees and shins from jumping all over the pitch. Wanlin's retarded noises, actions and crazy tears. Ma'am germine's retarded ideas. Ma'am valerie's anti-cheerness. Ma'am jolynn's speeches. When I kept hitting ma'am sharon, by accident or not. When the tent sheet was too small and we had to stretch and pull to help the uprights get the hole in. When we have the best tension. When we have the most amazing flag. When our pegs are alligned and 45 degrees. When tent and gadget have to keep fightingfor the scissors and then the scissors would break. When ma'am sharon would always be annoying yet amazing. All those debriefs we cried and we would just sit in a circle and reflect on everything afterwards. All those debriefs we cheered. That motivational talk. All the food, chocolates, drinks. All the letters, encouragement and love. When it was 11:11 right after our final pitch and we were praying our hearts out. When we got 8th but we knew we tried our best, so everything would be alright. When we would rush down right after school for training almost everyday. That time when Jen and I attempted to set up the pitch ourselves and failed terribly lolssssss. That last training before finals when it wouldn't stop raining and we were saying our last words but we were awkward llamas. Dunking everyone. Cedar fiesta. Our team dinners outside kfc and we would talk or look at each other's pictures and laugh. Our brown shoes. All over. I love you T-Rex, and I miss you.

Have I just made a huge mistake deciding to cut my hair when my piercings have yet to heal. I am letting a bro down ;_____; My ear has had a really rough day after getting nearly-ripped out uncountable times by my clarence lim lookalike hairdresser... Whom I also inspired to pierce his ears. Whatever my hair's pretty much the same, just 5000x thinner and lighter which just makes my head feel emptier.

My sense of humor is depleting and I feel myself morphing into one of those cold cheery bubbly wannabe people

I really really find some sort of thrill in tiring myself out and that drives me to feel better about myself. Maybe it's easier to kid myself into believing that I got things done because I am already worn out. But whatever, good drives are good and it definitely feels good dancing / spending time with athena / running and basically doing everything that has got to do with AC. Next wednesday, sigh A & J stress. Well, thank god the campfire's in order (at least)


ps. Shin splint is back with a new fury

Pps. i don't even know what I want to be percepted as





look at clAris so attractive


























Thank you for the completely worthwhile day and for my barbecued thighs. It's been awhile.


Best wishes for everything to come

I don't understand how this works.

When somebody you care about hurts you repeatedly, are you supposed to shun them or... keep your trust at bay and stick around waiting for whatever comes next

I however do understand that all I want now is to curl up and cry because it's what I do best


I don't need anyone.

Also it feels unbelievably good to be done with cf stuff. But then I remind myself that the actual cf itself has yet to come.