Been fucking stressed out of my wits and constantly on the verge of breaking down the past two days. I wish i could attribute this load of shit messing with my head to my studies or prelims in 2 WEEKS or FUCKING Os but no because Life is and never will be that fucking simple and who the fuck am i to defy the natural order of things, right???

Reading is currently my one and only escape but I NEED TO SET MY FUCKING THINKING AND PRIORITIES STRAIGHT

PS NEED A FUCKINF HAIRCUT




I would stare at the grains of light suspended in that silent space, struggling to see into my own heart

Realised how wrong i've been this whole time i've been holding myself back from reading or playing the piano or just doing the things i used to. Always assuming that i have so many important things to do that i've been neglecting almost everything else because i. Am. Constantly. Fucking. Anxious. About my studies and that's not the way i want to live the next 3 months. Not the way i can live anymore because it has really taken it's toll on me. Currently reading:




We're all getting so old so fast


Damn hardcore saturday followed by a family oriented night and a really lazy sunday










nothing beats this at the end of a damn long week

Labels: music

Feeling fot i mean fit as a baby alpaca





they got tiny chairs

Chem spa was a fucking pain cos fucking ppl were commanding fucking loudly downstairs and i was sitting right next to the window and my mind went BLANK cos i suck at shutting out distractions and started thinking about np then i realised i didnt mention lighting the bunsen burner.

Went home with sorf and celine came over for a damn short session of squash then we chilled alot and she got very wet








i crashed
really more of a habit than anything now.
perhaps with a kick.
a rush to the head.

or just unable to finalize that decision and stop being an impulsive person

life's great. like it's really really good, you know? but i just can't help but feel fucking aimless and at this moment i can't see the point of it. tomorrow i go back to school and i may or may not feel like shit about it. then i study and bam prelim 2s. bam Os. bam holidays but so what life goes on. it GOES ON and it's the same shit again. bam jc. bam As. bam get a job. bam travel. BAM UNI and then whatever the hell comes after that. i might meet new people and make new friends i know that's great and all but really i feel that people are all the same deep inside. we only display what we choose to show to the world. i legitimately feel nothing at the thought of everything right now because everything is just so predictable.

but then i tell myself that i have yet to experience all there is to experience in this world, and the idea and the very prospect of all that is really out there is what makes me want to live so badly. i'll get past this as always.

Labels: music

From feeling the burn of counterpain and the inevitable disappointment of our run,
to the photo moments and reliving the cheer life
Then 4n a'div champs, followed by bougae house champ
Pure ecstasy tainted by a tint of nostalgia and longing for the irreplaceable high i experienced exactly a year ago, i can never forget that
Swimming was also a blast in more ways than another because cannonball dive explosive splashes and I think i also conveniently granted my flu a renewal ticket
Despicable me 2 was also bloody hilarious but i think i laughed more at the grown men sitting behind us
I am comfortable and my body aches





I swear it's like you're living in a movie listening to music play in the background of your life. Or a phone call
So magical it feels like i just discovered the pacific ocean.....
in no state for tomorrow's run but hoping for the best anyway.

This feels all too familiar. The resemblance

Almost convinced myself that this week would be one filled with major slips, and it's been taking me a lot to keep my mind on task and pull myself back on track. Today was so liberating on some levels. I'm glad we finally got round to that dinner. We haven't gotten it all out there but I suppose it's start, and 'things can only go up from here'. Also went on a photoshoot tour round cedar and I don't think it's practical to upload everything here



Happy birthday alicia honey, love you so much baby. We sure have been through a lot but i'm ever always thankful for you.



















































(fishtank!!!!!!!)








<3




















LIBERATION i think i am done
































HTA, along with so many other things, for the last time. I feel alot about today but I'm too tired to think about it all or type it out. Maybe i'll write about it another time. Keeping whatever we've achieved in the past in mind, sure we could have done so much better. But to be honest to myself, I'm not disappointed. I'm just thoroughly glad that this is it.

Extremely touched by athena too thanks you all for staying so late just so we could have dinner as a (part) squad again. Love you all.


Ps. Cannot wait for next Friday .38!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pps. Shin splint really acting up after yesterday's run. What is happening man


my eyes have never been smaller

Labels: music

I burst into flames that lick me up passionately with each stride and my hair literally becomes a lion's mane

Caught lone ranger for the sake of some johnny depp and it was damn sian but johnny depp so never mind mission accomplished. Also exchanged my phone and then had steak for the first and probably last time at lawry's. Fine dining is such a pain srsly don't think i've ever felt more self conscious all my life. Lol also felt like puking at the sight of prawns and bread falling into a cocktail glass of warm soup BUT THEIR TEA IS SO FANCY it was worth it











Shrunk by 1cm and gained 3kg time to maintain with crazy ass and totally unnecessary binges NOT TO MENTION macssssss




I'm afraid to live like this. This was never what I had sought after.











3km was so much more than I expected in terms of how I pushed myself and it felt like any normal run over at ecp with tricia, and edina this time. My lamely achieved achievement was probably the highlight of this event ha ha ha damn proud of the 10x80 team too FIRST PLACE!! Super touched all over by all the supporters too.

Huay huay with sorf and hariza was damn shiok and I realised how much I miss those post run tauhuay sessions with sarah and shuyu.

Miss you guys so much ok and i'm ever thankful for the people still around me. Quite a bit has been going on and i've also been trying to shove most of that aside

Um totally wasted my whole evening/night/partial morning away ok good night


















Really have to maintain on the macds and not take it for granted that I'm running 3km tomorrow and yolo all day every day
Ps. DO YOU WANT TO SEE SOMETHING FUCKING AMAZING
Its a




Lol. Dat ass