Gonna perform my silent wordless concentration chant here so that i focus on amath and perhaps do (more than) a little chinese

well here goes:

So you lost your trust
& you never should have
No you never should have
But don't break your back if you ever see this
But don't answer that
In a bullet-prove vest
With the windows all closed
I'll be doing my best
& I'll see you soon
In a telescope lens
& when all you want is friends
I'll see you soon

So they came for you
They come snapping at your heels
They come snapping at your heels
But don't break your back if you ever heard this
But don't answer that
Cause in a bullet-prove vest
With the windows all closed
I'll be doing my best
& I'll see you soon
In a telescope lens
& when all you want is friends
I'll see you soon

Noo you lost your trust
Noo you lost your trust
Noo don't lose your trust
Noo don't lose your trust




















Amazing drama fest at Nanyang Girls' High tonight, it was somewhat like our Emerge and damn all the feels that came along with the memories as they announced the winners etc.

Supper was good good good ate about five times more than what I set out to eat but ALL IS FINE.

Just got home. What is school. What is O level chinese. What is additional mathematics.

There is so much I have to get sorted out in my head, i'm certain there is something really wrong with me and I just really refuse to go on living like this. It is fucking tiring. I should host an open house into my mind, definitely fits the latest Halloween theme. I guess one needs no reason to cry... Or simply be sad. It's been nearly impossible for me to cry lately. It would be nice if I could just let go; let it all out of myself.



Just... Really at a crossroad once more. I don't know what I want at this point. It's just like then, that decision to chop my hair off. I changed myself there and then. Now I don't know what I want, to stay this way; or go back to when I may or may not have been happier.


I am sick and tired of drifting. I need to find an identity, settle down. As of this moment I am nobody; I have no personality, relapses are awful and I am extremely tired.

Pour whatever's left of me out then fill me up once more.

Ah hello hello I am restless I am floaty once more I don't know what i am to do so I will just type and type and type until i find my purpose in life and as of this moment i believe that purpose is to complete my chinese homework before I go to sleep and obtain my rest for the day yes that is what I will achieve by the end of this night i will will will will okay i have thus far found my purpose in life therefore I believe this is good bye my best and i pray not my only friend rest assured we will meet again i am off to complete my chinese literature wannabe homework it makes me think it makes me smile no it does not really make me smile i just typed that out on impulse now see there the effect my impulses have on me ok i am off to complete my homework for real now good bye my phone

dont think dont think dont think dont think dont think dont think i am dont think dont think dont think fucking crazy dont think dont think dont think dont think dont think dont think dont think dont think dont think sigh dont think dont think dont think


Really don't want to be a part of anything anymore.
Not even this, it's so fucking painful.
Just listen to that.


talking to mel today made me realise something about myself... I can't bring myself to keep a consistent diary for nuts because in the end it gets too darn tiring to think about everything that's going on every now and then. Yet at the same time i cant bring myself to start a private blog cuz that's that all over again. i guess every now and then i just resort to blogging.... on here. but there arises the issue on publicity and the funny thing is when i attempt to be vague i no longer have a clue about who i am once it all ends. it's like it's all still in there




I died a little inside when I found out. I literally do not know you yet it hurts so badly to just think of you that way. I'll show you... Sucks that i have to wait so long just to do so. Please let me in. It'll all be fine.







you owe it all to nobody but yourself ; you have nobody but yourself





i thought i was at my limit. perhaps not so. how much harder do i have to try to get there. you wouldnt say those things you said if you had known my mind; my heart; my ideas.

this is absurd

it's difficult

this is painful

you will all laugh

I have a chameleon soul
I belonged to no one
You had everyone
I wanted nothing
You had everything










Just me.... another normal day... making a conscious decision to change my life and the way i view the noun itself

ps. we all made it through :) 107.

pps. stay strong bby


































































I've got to let you live your own life the way you want it; with or without me

At the same time let myself live mine the way i should and master that extremely fine and delicate equilibrium between being alone and being lonely
















You're walking home one day and all of a (not so) sudden you lose it all and can no longer find it in you to get back up on your feet to face the world once more. Sit right smack in the middle of a secluded corridor bawling your head inside out only to wake up rejuvenized; alive; peeking through the window of a perspective you have never dared dream of viewing the world in.
















probably the third time or so I am posting this but i just cant-

If you’re going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don’t even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery—isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you’ll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you’re going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It’s the only good fight there is.

think i'm finding my peace. a part of it. unfortunately not happiness nor consuming emptiness. more of a burning passion that eats me alive from the inside.