literature papers are over. no more tearing my hair out over romeo & juliet, chrysalids or the unseen. it's been a brilliant two years with my favourite subject and i would like to present a toast to english literature, and every story/prose/poem to have ever been written. much appreciation for the expressive art of language.

on a side note, partial freedom is as heavenly as the sizzling ice cream caramel brownie and the ambrosial manhattan spread i had for lunch today. i am not about to let anything ruin this temporary bliss. i am also itching out of my pants to go all out and hardcore maple all day and night seriously this feeling is so intense i don't know how much longer i can contain it


okay off to indulge in some superhero action past time good bye


currently sporting a high fever and a pain in the ass flu right smack in the middle of Os fml sweet baby jesus slap me until i wake up because i cannot believe my luck

i would like to thank my mother my father my brother and this fucking horrible weather i hate you and also i would like to cordially invite the sun back

bye #nowplaying wake me up when Os end

1. stop harbouring over-the-top high expectations and you'll find that life does not always disappoint as you may constantly tell yourself.

2. realise that happiness is a choice, and so is self-pity. learn to choose right.

3. the best thing to do does not necessarily have to be the right thing, but it is the most considerate and unselfish in relation to your well-being and that of those who genuinely care for you.

4. stop feeling sorry for yourself and life will present to you a myriad of prospects for a better life

5. life is too short to be anything but happy and satisfied


hey

i'm sorry too. first thing i feel that i should apologize for is for not writing this out personally and handing it to you as you did for me. perhaps i would, in time to come, away from the hustling bustling hubbub of Os. but i don't know that for certain, so here i am. i am also terribly sorry for being such a confused person (still always am lol suck at life). this thing, be it a feeling or friendship or whatever has become of it, has always been something precious to me and i will never forget how it felt; how any vestige of it still makes me feel from time to time; how happy i was. i agree that there is much truth in how people always come and go, and that change is the only constant. regardless i feel the compelling need to thank you for being that stable someone i could turn to anytime i felt the need. thank you for playing a relatively significant part of my life thus far. thank you for the memories too.

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i am feeling so many emotions, not exactly negative ones but strong ones. i really don't want to feel like this now of all times...

need. to. focus...



initially, i was bothered by how distant i am from those who ought to mean the world to me. that upset me. then the thought of talking about it crossed my mind and that was when the tears started welling up. i invariably feel like i am unable to speak my mind and i often find myself choking on words that simply refuse to come out right. this was ultimately what had me seeking my alternatives. i am sick of people telling me repeatedly how i should consider myself lucky because that is the last thing i need. not now and not ever. don't get me wrong. don't put on your favourite pair of judgemental shoes because i am definitely aware of how much i do have. i am more than aware of how damn fortunate i am, to be granted all that i have ever had and more basically, to be alive today. go ahead and shove the 'kids in africa' analogy in my face (god knows i am going to burn in hell for this). i make a constant effort to count my blessings and i remind myself every moment of every day to be thankful. believe it or not i detest whining.

dead fucking silence. perhaps it was just me. the only one breathing the air of hopelessness that we all exhale. all except for you, shrouded in your bubble of fucking steel sarcasm. as always. no fucking better than strangers. cold. fucking pathetic is also another one of many other adjectives i couldn't be less bothered to come up with to describe ourselves. well, plot twist. she keeps trying, yet to no avail under your huge fucking five year-old ass, and that is what hurts me the most.

i suppose when one gets overly caught up in their own problems they tend to neglect those of others. sure, nobody's perfect, so here's a little reminder to the rest of the heavily weighed population

the number one general social rule in life:
never diminish another's worries or problems. especially when you are unaware, or even unsure, of its full extent

Labels: music

i have been listening to angus & julia stone on repeat for the past week on end and there is something about them that i cannot get sick of












finally found the opportunity to go for an intense run after my hiatus only to realise that something was missing so i ran back retracing my steps (lol no i didn't) past several drains only to find my stamina drifting in one of them towards the canal leading away to the east coast







Ironically I find that my dreams are pulling me back and forth into reality. The reality that I have to and will work hard to achieve all that I have ever dreamed of attaining.
Step 1: save money
Step 2: work hard as core the next two years because good grades and an attitude are undoubtedly the best foundations to succeeding in life and doing what i love
On an extreme side note.....
O levels only...
Nth big...
At all....
Lame pls......
Watch batman law n order sua..........


It's been a genuinely good day spent with people who mean a good deal lot to me. Realised that it was some kind of a repeat of post-lit last year, getting wet and just completely letting go of ourselves at the waterpark amidst naked children.

Came home to chill and found myself bawling like a baby, (again) drowning in a sea of four years' fervent memories. I'm going to miss you so much charlie :-( I'm going to miss so many other things I don't know what more to say. I wish I treasured and made the most of what I had, while I still had it.

At this rate i doubt i can ever find it in me to talk to you or even trust you the way i used to, effortlessly, and it overcomes me in a way i don't want it to. We used to be there for each other every other day but i suppose things changed and we discovered new things we want in our separate lives.

Perhaps i'm being selfish or oversensitive or just paranoid but one thing for sure, this feels like some kind of sick deja vu (dating back to earlier in the year) and i don't feel good. I don't feel good at all, and i want to shake this feeling off while i can.

For the past 2 years or so, I watched as past batches blew bubbles or their noses in flurries of laughter and liberty. I'm graduating from secondary school in two days, and despite having been looking forward to this day for awhile now, at the moment everything has an air of surreality to it. There are so many things I wish I could do before Saturday morning, but time is running out; 18 days to Os. I would love to write to everyone who has left a mark one way or another on my life- like legitimate heartfelt pages-long letters as a form of disclosure, or even closure for some. I also want to spend a full day sitting down by myself and reflecting on the past 4 years. Remorse, regret, reminisce. I want to indulge in and be completely overwhelmed by the nostalgia of all that has come and gone. Perhaps all of that can wait a month or two. So many phases I have found myself advancing through in this life here in cedar. I wouldn't, couldn't, have possibly wished for things to have turned out otherwise. I may not know where I am right now, but I do see where I want to be, and I genuinely hope that I will see myself to the end.
I think this is the part where I upload a really meaningful song preferably See you soon by coldplay but blogspot refuses to cooperate so I will have to settle for pondering silence. Time to just fuck Os for now  (to the best of my efforts) and live the next two days to their fullest. Also just realised that this is my 500th post now how's that for meaningful.

More often than not, if you want to get anywhere in life, you've got to learn to love yourself. Because reality is that nothing in life lasts forever and nobody can be there for you every minute of your life, so be there for yourself.
















The past week was really pretty mundane. Enjoyed myself and smiled more than a little amidst all the studying i was trying my best to do. Also managed to spend time with my fishes despite thinking that i couldn't make it. That ought to make up for abit




Also barely took any pictures lately so there you go.
Currently sipping on more earl grey tea after downing some real intense coffee and grilled cheese. Earlier on my way home i was looking through some seniors' pictures and reading stuff, and I found myself thinking alot about what I want to see myself doing in the future and all the time I had wasted the past 3 years doing nothing for myself. Perhaps it wasn't time wasted, seeing where it got me today, but I certainly have yet to live any day of my life to its fullest.
I haven't found the time to properly evaluate or string everything into coherence... But now I will settle for doing my best for Os, and see where I go from there. In more current news I am going to do more chinese... Need to pass this jeopardized shit

Ps. Tied my hair up yesterday and i swear for awhile it felt as though 2012 never happened; like i casually stepped two years back in time; that 2013 along with this life that has shaped me into all i am today is not already coming to a fucking abrupt end