There's just something about swimming 20 consecutive laps or running a good 3-4km and completely burning myself out.




It shouldn't have taken me this much to realise that I do already have everything that I need. All that's left now is a clear mind.


Ps. I miss you already. It doesn't matter. Just come back.

Saw someone's tweet and it just hit me so hard. This day, exactly two years ago, I delivered an entire box of chocolates to your class with that lame shit post it note stuck to it, and then I hugged you so tight I nearly forgot how to let go.

Then there was that particular night. I was having such a hard time and I ran away. You stayed up with me, counselling and making sure I was alright, ensuring that I made it home safely. At that point of time, things were already rather tense, just because I was too stupid. So many other nights too. The best were those where we'd just stay up and talk about nothing in particular, until one of us would fall asleep. It was always you, of course, and the next day we'd both be fucked as hell. I can't ever forget.

You've played a huge part of my life, and I'd love to be able to talk to you once more. To just talk to you about the way things are and how they've changed drastically while you've been gone. Every time I see you around, it sucks because I know you're having it hard. Just as you've always had it that way.




Finally found a perfect night to stay up and watch Silver Linings Playbook, after wanting to do so for a long time. Right now I am crying because it was just so so perfect.

Perhaps I just never knew how to cherish what I had, and that applies to nearly everything and everybody that I've had the fortune to have by my side. Well, things are falling apart now and I can't help but look back on everything else that could have been.


I believed I was past that stage, but the past week sure proved me wrong. I was just thinking about it and how horrible things appear to be at the moment. And then I came across that picture describing the worst kind of crying. Right now I feel it rising up my lungs. I need to scream. Need to sob. I need that one final blow that will result in me snapping and finally being able to cry it out. I just feel as though I have so much pent up in me.



They gave me all my brother's cheese. No, that was not meant to be disturbing.

Perpetual everlasting bullshit aside, I am over the past four days, and today was a lovely day. Great cycling in the morning, and am I ever glad I finally got to see two of my fishes. It felt so amazingly enlightening talking to them about life and whatnot that have been bothering me recently




Hiiiiiiiii daya












Because andes












I miss a whole lot of people. Inevitable as it is, I detest change.







Leadership course & social etiquette today weren't too bad. I've really grown a liking for christian chua.








These four days were so awful it's no wonder I can't even be distracted from this shit now. Right now it's escalated to a point where I feel like I'm losing it. Nothing feels secure and I am just terribly unmotivated to do anything now. Sigh things will get better, I think.







Babies are back, missed them so much whoa i just

Ps. ☺

Typed out a whole ass post and it disappeared so whatever here goes again


Today was a lovely lovely xoxoxoohearts day spent with the biste partially spent getting drunk on caffeine and cat stickers and lamborghinis sigh loves

Anyway unusual happiness aside......... Fuck people fuck drama im gna play runescape obamaself cos alicia is at labrador and i am lonely bye


is that pizza or an anti dragon shield whOOPS

Ps. Tomorrow

Pps. I have new runescape friends hehhehhe

Ppps. Want this gallardo so badly let me cry




You are so self-centred and just so selfish I can't believe I ever had that much to do with you. I am typing this post against my better judgement, firstly because you are merely an impactful part of the past; my past. And also because I shouldn't be aggravating this issue any further. Correct me if I'm wrong, but your inflated ego clearly hasn't allowed you to care about anyone aside from yourself. Not even those whom you claim to have meant so much to you. Not her. Not even me, through those bloody long months. It has always been about you, your public image, and your life, right from the start. So many times I needed you because of everything I'd lost. Perhaps I was just stupid enough to have given up that much for something we both knew wouldn't last.


You used to make me feel so... Light and different; right now I just feel like stabbing my own head and getting rid of this headache I didn't use to have. I don't see what good could come of another session together.



Facing so much difficulty trying to express this lump of thoughts and things that I have been feeling lately.... I think I really have to read soon. Haven't been feeling much like a lit student this year.




Past aside, today was... Hmm. I wouldn't label it as a bad day because there are so many factors to take into account. And so many contributing reasons. This week in general was bound to be a gloomy one. Thankful for this deary




A1 amath tutor
Ps. Not forgetting smelly undergrown bio tutor
Pps. Hoping for the best out of tomorrow.
Ppps. Day 2............















Damn pleasant day with this lovely runner <3




I don't know what to say. I'm sorry. Cannot be sorry enough. People I genuinely care about are hurting and shit because of this. I'm not thinking straight now; my thoughts are in a complete mess but I'm just certain that I don't want to go back there. I just hope she isn't beating herself up about this. Things are different, I am no longer blaming anyone. I just want to move on with my life so please, let me. To the rest of you, forget it. Judge me all you please because all I need right now are the people around me who have been for years now. Nothing more, nothing less.

Ps. Counting down, 3 more days. Sigh.

It's going to be a damn long week ahead. No distractions anita....... It's no longer worth getting yourself into anything. Get that in your head, and let go, because your well being precedes all your worries and concerns.

Just read all that shit that's been going on on brenda's ask.fm after a friend told me to. Seriously ah fuck. You are not me and you don't know my mind, let alone the way I feel, so watch what you fucking say. It's been so long and if we are able to get over whatever happened I don't see why people shouldn't. Leave her alone. Reasons why I harbour such strong distaste for anon-abled social networking sites. Formspring was enough of a joke to last a lifetime.


ps. Huh, I have this damn strong inkling that you play a part in this.







Supporters all the way. So proud of the cedar fdc team, again. Runner ups :) they really deserve what they got.















Is it really just simple as this? Being almost shallow, superficial, and just... Happy. I've been allowing myself to live on the edge of things and on the lines of the clouds lately, not allowing myself to go back to that black. It's interesting because I find myself becoming more like the person I was a few years back... Noisy. Gay. I don't know. Careless. Free. Happy? I don't know what's going on and I definitely don't believe that this is who I really am. It seems as though this is turning into a cycle, and I'm back here, after 2 long years. If that's really the way it works, then I am lost in this game. What's coming next.




Next two pics are dedicated to my fishes. It's the 24th tomorrow and we have yet to meet up this month.

Cannot wait for april.







Sobbles my face hurts


sunrise with athena


uffufuuufufuuuuu today was just........Weather. Kind of disappointed because we didn't manage to go through the full HRC because stupidddd weather hurrrr we prepared so much for this. Anw rain and whatnot aside, the weather was damn chio today like me and my bro








chiobuzzxsz lol I am happy and today was a very much satisfying day :-)


I am also pikachu and a fried fish.... Srsly no other sun burns like the ubin sun and i'm already missing it so much 😢














Cannot wait for nco/hrc pics to be uploaded so that i can rip them off and masturba i mean enjoy them lol so much love for athena my bbys <333 great dinner cum stinkfest today too i nearly couldnt stop eating


Long day #2 ahead tmr i am sleeposss but amath lol life


On a side note training today was..........please just make that bit of effort to show up and learn wtv we (esp the two of them) have painstakingly come up with. Come on man just 3 more weeks... This has to be a success.


Ps. My blooging skills <

I remember back in p6 i was fighting with this ex who happened to be a sucker for harry potter and he called me a 'filthy half-breed' cuz i was mixed.... I can't remember if i laughed or cried at that




HRC tomorrow....... and my head is throbbing worse than it was earlier today at macs. Slightly nauseated too plus ugh weird shit throat and nose. What timing man. Gonna have an early night, pray i feel better tomorrow. Sigh, this is important to me.

If I were a painter
I would paint my reverie
If that's the only way for you to be with me
And I'm dreaming of a place
Where I could see your face
And I think my brush would tak eme there
But only...
If I were a painter
And could paint a memory
I'd climb inside the swirling skies to be with you



Unproductive day running around carrying out pointless errands, but managed to go for a run in the end.

Candle lit night with Norah Jones 💚 and tea ahead as I really attempt to turn things around. Hmm.

Ps. Scars are seriously so fucking ugly. Nothing the past 5 years was worth it. I don't even know who I am anymore.

Pps. Not forgetting to feature the great time spent talking to zy and jas yesterday. Things feel really different now, and it's a good kind of different, it's like I got that part of my past back. Feels pleasant finally getting some things out of the way. First world bisexual pains.


Trying my best to cope and catch up on what I can now and you are well aware of that. I am in no mood for entertaining anyone or mindlessly obliging to your every request. I'm sorry but I wish you didn't have to be so sensitive and take everything so damned personally. I can barely even spare myself the time to feel bad about it now.
//
seriously fuck chinese. so time consuming and i've been spending so much time on it lately because there is just so much of it. really getting nowhere with all my other subjects. i don't have both math resource books with me and to make matters worse i can't even find my calculator or my pencil for rough workings and shit. also simultaneously realised how much there is to revise for chem too fuck it and then there's SS and geog both of which i have yet to touch all term. so bloody frustrated with myself seriously i don't know what to do now except panick because O levels. Sleep.


sigh fuck stress and fuck anxiety. i'm so tired...




Dreamt of you

Sigh can't wait to get through with today. Can't be distracted anymore, there's way too much to do.

Mtp. Mrs chew. Amath. Promise. Love. Talk. Hunger.











Camp. Bee hoon. Rebellion. Stargazing. Fs. Sinister. King sized table bed. Canteen. Homework. Sir chai. Stolen sand. Bag of clothes. Thrashing. Honesty. Cleared. Change. Tears. Sleepless. Heartache.







No food. (improvised) pt. Sleep. Macdonalds. Annoyed chew. Gunny sacks. Indoor campfire. Disappointment. Creys. Rude abrubt departures. Pleasant arrival. Love. Security guard post. Meaningful talks. Campfire. Athena.



Ma'am chew. Pinky promise. Checking classrooms. Dark school. Long talk #2. Awkward. Sad. Determined. Love. Understanding. Shooting team. Amath. Sigh. Sleep.


Last camp with athena. Things sure felt different and (surprisingly) a whole lot more meaningful. So glad we finally found the guts to bring our fantasies to life and speak our minds. Things may not have worked out for the best in the end, but we have definitely made our mark as a squad. So happy for all we have achieved and how much we've grown.


Ps. Hope they'd cheer up and realise that things aren't really as bad as they seem