Really hard to hold on to things right now. Just really... Huge load of bullshit getting fresher and fresher by the day. Lets try to sum this up in a horribly categorized rant.

1. Barely understand Surds and Indices and we're already moving on to Log. Failed all the pop quizzes so far and its the first subject I'm going to be working on (for the week)

2. Failed my first higher chinese practice paper of the year, and had another this morning. Judging by my distraction and lack of focus/motivation and really just the fact that I can't bring myself to care or hope anymore, I'm more than prepared to fail again. Fall way harder on my face. I can't fail hcl. At this rate its going to be the only thing I can depend on to make it past O's.

3. SS. I always thought it would be sort of a substitute for History. My best subject that I fucking stupidly dropped, just like that. What even I literally don't know/understand shit about Northern Ireland. Anything but SS man I hate feeling helpless with my humanities.

4. Lit. Sigh. T.A. Finished 3.5 paragraphs of the first question and 1 PEEL for the second one. So much for fucking passion overruling talent. I gave up so much for lit sigh pray it'll work out.

5. Chemistry... I don't get half the bonds and really the memory work... Sigh. Haven't started memorising and my mindmap is... Lol.

6. Biology, the only thing I think I'm coping rather well with (by my standards: no fail)

7. Pianooooo sigh theory exam's on 17/18th march and here I am fucking clueless and barely recalling stuff I learnt in Grade 3.

8. People huh. Just reveal the minutest hint of your emotions and there they go hurling false words of affection and virtual caresses. Pretending to care about whatever it is you do during the darkest hours. I'm not in any place to judge or discriminate against the fakest people because I myself am on the verge of giving up on myself, despite all those posts and texts ALL MOTHER FUCKING BULLSHIT just typed out in the heat of the opportunity to pacify myself. Maybe I just miss having a best friend. Its been 3 years.

I think I've had a few real friends though and I find it inappropriate and disturbing to develop rainbowey shiney thoughts in the same paragraph. Thank you for caring, for checking and ensuring. You don't know how much you mean to me, really. I've never really told you. I've missed having such a friendship. I love you Honey.

9. Family sigh I won't even start because then I won't be able to stop and I can barely afford that now WHAT IS TIME

10. You seem insignificant in contrast to all the fuckery going on right now and I hope it remains that way. I can't afford to let you affect me anymore.

11. Someone
12. Somebody
13. Another one
14. Lol
15. Sigh

16. FOREVER TIRED REALLY physically mentally and EVERYTHING I practically went brain dead during this morning's cheena test. And when I say 'Tired' I don't mean it in the 'ohmigosh i just went shopping and i'm so tired i can die' or the 'so sick and tired of life i'll just slit my wrists tonight' way. I mean it in an Old way. My back hurts so much and I can barely straighten it right after bending down for more than a few seconds. My ankle is barely starting to recover from last september's sprain. My shin still throbs after years. I think my migraine is coming back. Eyes hurt all the time not to mention dry as hell. Hair isn't helping. Getting home after 7 everyday wanting nothing more than a hot bathe and temporary numbness from the world. Being hot tempered all the time, at the peak whenever I speak to my family and that stresses me out. Okay not starting on that.

Letting No. 10-15 go right now because aiyo

Despite all my efforts I still feel lonely as ever. I won't dare say that this is the worst phase I've had to go through so far because I barely remember those events last year. As if I want to, when it all started. Still so much I want to say but its already 8.45 and sigh I promise I'll try and I promise that promise was for real.

Ps. Feels as if i lost a part of me along with my hair

Pps. Zzzzzleeep



Just felt the very strong need to post this.

"1.36"	"The Scientist"	2002
"42"	Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends	2008	Originally titled "Thought You Might be a Ghost" in early album sessions for Viva la Vida or Death and All HisFriends.
"A Message"	X&Y	2005
"A Message 2010"	Hope for Haiti Now	2010	A newer version of "A Message" with different lyrics, recorded for the Hope for Haiti Now charity album.
"A Rush of Blood to the Head"	A Rush of Blood to the Head	2002
"A Spell a Rebel Yell"	"Violet Hill"	2008
"A Whisper"	A Rush of Blood to the Head	2002
"Amsterdam"	A Rush of Blood to the Head	2002
"Animals"	"Clocks"	2003
"Bigger Stronger"	Safety / The Blue Room	1998
"Brothers & Sisters"	"Brothers & Sisters"	1999
"Brothers and Sisters"	"Trouble"	2000
"Careful Where You Stand"	Parachutes / Acoustic / "Shiver"	2000
"Cemeteries of London"	Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends	2008
"Charlie Brown"	Mylo Xyloto	2011
"Chinese Sleep Chant"	Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends	2008
"Christmas Lights"	"Christmas Lights"	2010	Appeared on a list of songs written on a whiteboard that were being considered for the band's 5th studio album. It was released as a digital download at 8pm GMT, December 1, 2010.
"Clocks"	A Rush of Blood to the Head	2002
"Crests of Waves"	"Clocks"	2003
"Daylight"	A Rush of Blood to the Head	2002
"Death and All His Friends"	Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends	2008
"Death Will Never Conquer"	"Viva la Vida" / Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends	2008
"Don't Let It Break Your Heart"	Mylo Xyloto	2011
"Don't Panic"	The Blue Room / Parachutes	1999
"Easy to Please"	"Brothers & Sisters"	1999
"Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall"	Mylo Xyloto	2011
"Everything's Not Lost"	Parachutes	2000
"Fix You"	X&Y	2005
"For You"	Parachutes / "Shiver"	2000
"Glass of Water"	Prospekt's March	2008
"God Put a Smile upon Your Face"	A Rush of Blood to the Head	2002
"Gravity"	"Talk"	2005
"Green Eyes"	A Rush of Blood to the Head	2002
"Help Is Round the Corner"	"Yellow"	2000
"High Speed"	The Blue Room / Parachutes	1999
"A Hopeful Transmission"	Mylo Xyloto	2011
"How You See the World"	X&Y	2005
"How You See the World No. 2"	Help!: A Day in the Life / "The Hardest Part"	2005	A newer version of "How You See the World" with different lyrics, recorded for the Help!: A Day in the Life charity album. Although listed as "How You See the World", the song on "The Hardest Part" is actually the second version as well.
"Hurts Like Heaven"	Mylo Xyloto	2011
"I Bloom Blaum"	"In My Place"	2002
"I Ran Away"	"The Scientist"	2002
"In My Place"	A Rush of Blood to the Head	2002
"Lhuna"	"Lhuna"	2008	Features Kylie Minogue.
"Life in Technicolor"	Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends	2008
"Life in Technicolor II"	Prospekt's March	2008
"Life Is for Living"	Parachutes	2000
"Lost!"	Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends	2008
"Lost+"	"Lost!" / Prospekt's March	2008	Features Jay-Z.
"Lost?"	Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends / "Violet Hill" / "Lost!"	2008
"Lovers in Japan"	Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends	2008
"Low"	X&Y	2005
"Major Minus"	"Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall" / Mylo Xyloto	2011
"M.M.I.X."	Mylo Xyloto	2011
"Mooie Ellebogen"	"Clocks"	2003	A song written in Dutch that was first played live by the band in 2003. The song was released on the Dutch release of the "Clocks" single.
"Moses"	Live 2003	2003	Only a live version has been released.
"Moving to Mars"	"Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall"	2011
"Murder"	"God Put a Smile upon Your Face"	2003
"Mylo Xyloto"	Mylo Xyloto	2011
"No More Keeping My Feet on the Ground"	Safety / "Yellow"	1998
"Now My Feet Won't Touch the Ground"	Prospekt's March	2008
"One I Love"	"In My Place"	2002
"Only Superstition"	"Brothers & Sisters"	1999
"Parachutes"	Parachutes	2000
"Paradise"	Mylo Xyloto	2011
"Prospekt's March"	Prospekt's March	2008
"Politik"	A Rush of Blood to the Head	2002
"Poppyfields"	Prospekt's March	2008
"Postcards from Far Away"	Prospekt's March	2008
"Pour Me"	"Fix You"	2005	Only a live version has been released.
"Princess of China"	Mylo Xyloto	2011	Features Rihanna.
"Proof"	"Speed of Sound"	2005
"Rainy Day"	Prospekt's March	2008
"Reign of Love"	Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends	2008
"See You Soon"	The Blue Room / Acoustic	1999
"Shiver"	Parachutes	2000
"Sleeping Sun"	"Talk"	2005
"Sparks"	Parachutes / Acoustic	2000
"Speed of Sound"	X&Y	2005
"Spies"	Parachutes	2000
"Square One"	X&Y	2005
"Strawberry Swing"	Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends	2008
"Such a Rush"	Safety / The Blue Room	1998
"Swallowed in the Sea"	X&Y	2005
"Talk"	X&Y	2005
"The Escapist"	Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends	2008
"The Goldrush"	"Life in Technicolor II"	2009	Features lead vocals by drummer Will Champion.
"The Hardest Part"	X&Y	2005
"The Scientist"	A Rush of Blood to the Head	2002
"The World Turned Upside Down"	"Fix You"	2005
"Things I Don't Understand"	"Speed of Sound"	2005
"Til Kingdom Come"	X&Y	2005
"Trouble"	Parachutes	2000
"Twisted Logic"	X&Y	2005
"U.F.O."	Mylo Xyloto	2011
"Us Against the World"	Mylo Xyloto	2011
"Up in Flames"	Mylo Xyloto	2011
"Up with the Birds"	Mylo Xyloto	2011
"Violet Hill"	Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends	2008
"Viva la Vida"	Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends	2008
"Warning Sign"	A Rush of Blood to the Head	2002
"We Never Change"	Parachutes	2000
"What If"	X&Y	2005
"White Shadows"	X&Y	2005
"X&Y"	X&Y	2005
"Yellow"	Parachutes	2000
"Yes"

Oh for the record: I CUT MY HAIR YAY