i find myself sitting in an empty carriage of the mrt, back from arcane day 3 (orientation) and i am gripped by some intense emotion, whipped and dragged to the spotlight in light of today's events. i am torn and slightly conflicted in the passing of my old, complicated life into this newer and more determined one. attributing this to my new found dilemma of whether to accept and hold on to the eccentric events of my past. things have changed; i have changed emotionally, physically as a person. yet doubts plague my mind. how is it healthy for a person to change so much that way in such a (relatively) short anount of time?? won't something (or more??) be lost in the process?? it has been ages since i've last written here — orientation and settling into vjc has been crazy (2h aptitude test on day 1) and each day is starting to feel like a chore, i've got a hunch it's not going to get any easier from here. in a jiffy i will find myself facing the inevitable pressures and stress of yearning to go beyond my limits without succumbing to my weaknesses. the all-too-familiarity of this feeling unsettles me. yet life goes on and my past is that which has nurtured me into the person i am right now.