It's as though all the ideals I have found myself obsessed with throughout the duration of my life have been cultivated under the influence of perspectives and behaviour of the people around me. Or perhaps just the people who have held some sort of significance to me or impacted my life in one way or another, positively or not.

All these expectations I accumulate for myself over a period of time are usually embraced only to be thrusted aside to that neglected thus dusty corner of my life, and they pile. These ideals pile and pile over the years, giving a very typical image of a dangerously teetering pile of papers, each piece imprinted perhaps with years of incoherency and words formed yet unspoken due to my cowardice.

Times as such I feel absolutely overwhelmed by the sudden influx of everything going on in my head; let alone my own life. Such things I have been compressing away against the edges of my boxlike mind. Lately more than ever, my head has been hurting and I cannot help but picture all the shit kept bottled inside pushing against the imaginary walls of my mind, attempting to force my skull apart.

Basically, I think I was feeling very emotional and confused about alot of things. I also think I had quite abit more I wanted to think about but I suppose I have had enough after today. (Morning 4km followed by 7 hours of amath) I still am confused as ever though I think that attempt at expression might have done a bit of fairy dust for the spirit part.

Non-understandable aside, I am itching for a game of boxhead now pew guns violence pew pew shooting prelims in 4 days