Things are really not ok at all. Haven't felt like myself this entire week. So out of my skin. So simple-minded. So unlike myself. I don't even have a specific ideal of how being myself is supposed to feel like, so there's really nothing to go by. Guess I just feel really out of sorts and I hope it's just this crazy pressure I've been under lately.


Amath was pretty damn disappointing, especially after knowing how it isn't just myself I'm letting down. Taking a good lot of comfort in the fact that I know I can do much better, and it just takes time. Time is all I need now and soon enough it will be all that I have.


Ps. I don't even know if i'm overthinking but I'm crying so much tonight. It's so fucking hard to open up. Trying my best to convince myself that I will feel much better when I wake up tomorrow. No permanent damage will be worth it because things will be fine in the end. I have to believe that