It's getting on my nerves but who am I to judge, right? Well firstly that night really hurt like a bloody bitch. Not something I'm likely to forget so soon; walking all over with my head throbbing then breaking down on a fucking bus and missing my stop. I was aching so badly by the time I got home and it was nearly 9. Plus that day had been one of the shittiest this year and I had just needed someone to turn to. But of course you had no idea about all that and I tried not to blame you because I really didn't want to ruin your time together. I didn't want to ruin this friendship. I hate being this person that I am right now... I just feel so angry and bad and all that negative adjective shit. All this hurtful shit is getting to my head and my judgement's been clouded for years already... Of all people. I probably come across as a prejudiced little bitch but you don't know what she and her friends put me through back then. Whatever. It's your life. I just wish you'd be a little more considerate rather than desperate because it hurts like a bitch. I'm washing my hands off this, but not off you because you are still my friend and no matter how shit you've been making me feel I still undeniably care about you


So much drama going on all around me right now I just wish I could shut myself into a little cave and hide away from this fucking cold selfish world. I don't even know what you're playing at now. You made it so clear you stopped giving a shit so why start again? Haven't you been hurt enough?? My conscience is not a toy and neither are your feelings.


(missing trex all over again cos tea rex wants tea)

I hardly am one to hate but one thing I really hate is being indirect.... Yet I don't see an alternative. I really don't know what else to do. Perhaps I am a coward, but I just refuse to risk anymore relationships. All my past relationships with anyone at all have been far too fragile to survive my harsh truth. I don't want to depend on anyone.


God all I've felt like doing is cryyyyyyyYy even as I went up to get those medals today I could feel it all rising in my chest. Thank god she was there to keep me under control this afternoon. Plus that slight bit of catching up with sarah earlier this evening really made things several shades brighter <3 definitely one of the best parts of 2012 I miss dearly
I don't think I've felt as shitty as this since last year but I am going to continue convincing myself that I am more than capable of conquering this shit because people are finite and people problems are no problemo. Pushing it all away