Just because of my carelessness. That haunted look in her eyes; it was almost as though someone had died, when she realised that things weren't half as ok as I made them out to be. I think she had guessed as much from the start. I just hate the fact that she might be wallowing in self pity and crying her night away tonight. How awkward things would be in the morning... I'd really much rather nobody cared. I know, it's beyond selfish of me to be this way but really, things would be much easier. For everyone. That's simply being fair, isn't it. I refuse help, so I deal with my problems. Anyway, I doubt I can ever forget what he said to me tonight. I guess the worst part of this night really is that I literally have nobody to turn to, because nobody even knows. But no. Numbers are merely an added bonus. Still, I can't help but wish I had you by my side. A hug from you would be the most pleasant thing I can hope for. Perhaps not the most, but huh.


No time for tears. It's my life and I will face the consequences of the decisions I have made. Gonna have to start dealing with things in the morning.

Anyway, great evening spent with jan. For now: amath.