I cannot lay my thoughts out in a single-filed straight line, and simply blurt them out as and when somebody asks me a question, or when I am expected to answer with a legitimate response or personal opinion. There is no straight train of thought in this messed up excuse of a head I have. I guess you could compare my thoughts to the London Underground. There are several trains progressing at the exact same point of time, crossing over one another and never actually stopping. Definitely more detailed and complexed than the MRT lines we have here in Singapore. My genuine thoughts, thoughts that Anita have thought out, have been jumbled and fucked up and around way too much with all the false thoughts my mind has manufactured over the period of four years. Stories I made up to make myself feel better about feeling the way I have been feeling, stories and truths based on the lifetimes of other people, and basically a whole load of extremely uncharacteristic bullshit. Well, you can imagine, sifting through that whole chunk of classical stories I have picked up for a genuine response everytime one is sought for. After awhile, it gets really painful and you decide to just shut it out as best as you could. But then again, putting things aside and attempting to forget about them never really does work out, does it? I guess that's where my incoherence comes in.



Things can only get better from here. At least that's what people want me to believe. But hey guys, I can't see the bottom of this extremely dangerous one-way vertical roller coaster pit yet. Things aren't going to end here. Though one thing for sure, I doubt I could ever feel any lonelier than I have been recently. It's just really tiring, not having any secure place to take refuge and know that everything's going to be okay. For all I know, I might realise that everything that happened tonight; puffs from second-hand junk; trying to believe; trying to talk to her and meeting all the qt3.14 TKGS members; then running away in the midst of all the shouting over one another because I could no longer make sense of my own head; all just another episode of my impulsiveness, and shred this post away with my borrowed non-existent shredding machine.


I'm sorry, I guess this really is just my way of figuring myself out.