Currently having another one of my 'Charlie from Perks of being a Wallflower' moments. No joke. You're my Sam. She can be my patrick which is quite the colossal joke of the situation seeing how they are both gay. Charlie did settle down in the end, after going through all the shit he did alone and not. I like to think that he too is independent in his own unique way. I'm pretty aware that a 'Charlie from Perks of being a Wallflower' moment is not exactly the ideal moment to be having (especially a night right before school starts what the fuck sianjipuaxzszxzzzz) but Charlie's situation is just terrifyingly inviting and easy to relate to. "Standing on the fringes of life offers a unique perspective", but if a perspective really is that unique, nobody other than that one person would be make to make any sense out of it, would they? I can't seem to recieve any form of consolation.


At the rate I'm floating about in my own mind, I'll probably float away, fly off to the surface and just (coldplay reference)~ Float up up and away into outer space before I realise it myself. I guess we are who we are for a whole load of reasons, some we probably will never manage to discover throughout the duration of our lifetimes. I don't know what's wrong with me and I am aware that alot others have it worse, but I can't seem to help myself. I just cannot stop thinking, I am always in a trance of some sort; almost as if my entire life has been this elongated trance. It is not going away. I can barely even tell right from wrong anymore. It would take a full length A-Grade explanation or more to convince me that smoking is morally wrong; a sin. I guess this is another reason why I'd rather not think, I just do the things my twisted mind label as appropriate at any particular point of time. I don't even know what I should do right at this moment. This is my third attempt at this post because my phone crashed on the previous two.


I feel like jumping into my book and grabbing Charlie by his collar and screaming into his face "DON'T LEAVE ME BEHIND" but no, I'll probably just run off since that's what I seem to do best.