Its unbelievable how much lower I've stooped since the year started. Sighing has become my norm.

These few days have been really interesting, just got back from running everywhere, and I don't even know why I deserve this brownie here. Spent the afternoon soaking firewood then spent time with Sorfina..... stuck back stage.

Artist: John Mayer
Song: Stop This Train

No I'm not color blind
I know the world is black and white
Try to keep an open mind but...
I just can't sleep on this tonight
Stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly won't someone stop this train

Don't know how else to say it, don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own

Stop this train
I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't but honestly won't someone stop this train

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game to find a way to say that life has just begun
Had a talk with my old man
Said help me understand
He said turn 68, you'll renegotiate
Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train

See once in a while when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
'til you cry when you're driving away in the dark.

Singing stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take this speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train

(think I got 'em now)

I feel like people are misinterpreting these lyrics. I always thought it was referring to how quickly life goes by and the horrible feel of an imminent passing. Moving forward in the world is a scary thing. But eventually you come to accept it.

I have never felt as indifferent about the fact that its my birthday tomorrow as I do now. I keep having to remind myself that its supposed to be something to look forward to.

Ps. Hurry get well lovely bitch.