R&J today was so good. Started out sniffing and tearing, and ended it off with hardcore sobbing. Thank god for the 3 others next to me, everyone else refused to cry or die with me.
















Somewhere sometime after that, I couldn't take it. I'm still not entirely sure about what exactly was going on in my head at that moment, but I ran. Ran and ran for about 5 minutes and somehow ended up at Bugis MRT and then Tampines. After awhile I realised that, throughout that period of about 30 minutes, my head had been absolutely empty. For a moment I was so doubtful about myself I had to check my messages to recall everything. I was just walking walking walking and walking all over Tampines. From the MRT, to my Grandma's, back to the MRT, the circumference of all three malls. Like I am doing right now, circled Eastpoint 2 and a half times, trying to make sense of things. I guess I think better when I walk, sometimes I just feel crazy.
Walking and walking at Tampines, the next thing I knew:
I had a new piercing
I spent all my money
I ignored a little kid
I was exploding from eating (still am)
I made friends with two Mats
My mouth was parched
I felt horrible
All this, so I ran again. Back to the MRT, took it to Simei, here I am. Still waiting.
'Coherence', something I'd like to achieve sometime soon. Right now when I attempt to speak my thoughts, all I hear are others' thoughts and words, paraphrased. Am I lazy? Too tired to think and make my feelings coherent? Maybe that's why it never fails to exhilirate me when somebody else confesses that they have been experiencing something that has been bothering me for awhile. When they confess, they have the intention of making themselves heard, but are in fact 'this close' to saving me from losing myself; making those feelings and thoughts coherent to me.
God damn it whoever knew thinking and phrasing could get this darn exhausting. All this discretion is getting really stupid. Use my blog against me for all I care because I just want to remember.
Ps. If that's what you say you are, and you want everybody to believe you, well... Fucking act like it.