I still can't be sure if all this - whatever we're putting all of ourselves through this week and the past many - will turn out to be worth anything more than mere self-satisfaction on our part. We want to make them proud. We want to make ourselves proud, we want to change them/us/the world. Yet, I don't see why we deserve the opportunity in the first place. Its really just competition everywhere and its not a matter of whether you're a part of it, because you get affected by it anyway. It can get really suffocating. Once again, I doubt the worth of all this strain we're putting ourselves and our relationships under. If we snap, we can't turn back, but I sure am certain we are in no place to give up.

ON A BRIGHTER NOTE ITS MY BIRTHDAY??? Nice surprise in the morning, I can't remember how I spent my recess though I do remember Athena and a lack of direction. Interview during lunch went okay, then yeah sweetness overload from the friends, which is where the brownie cake and Renee and sweetness and 3N and everyone else came in. I really appreciate my friends' constant efforts to make me feel better when I barely have an inkling to what actually does makes me happy. Maybe you do.

Had a nice piss off of a time with Athena entertaining bossy teachers but ok had a nice time with sorf bren and sarah afterwards. It was a good day. Day, not night lol when is it ever a good night.

From those who made my day.


More and overdued love still pending.


Sweethearts.



Forget what I said last night, today couldn't have been any more amazing and I honestly owe so much to so many people right now. Really, thank you all. It's been a messy painful year but still, a good ride.

Ps. We're not ready for this. Tomorrow? 8 days?