I cut my own hair yesterday. It was really meh and that was when I realised I was just bored and empty. So I stopped.

Guess who fucked up again. In the morning when I woke up and realised I could smell the shit. In class when I realised I couldn't focus for nuts, though how that differs from anything I really have no idea. After jogging when I fucked up as a sports rep. Every jogging when I fuck up as a sports rep. I don't think its worth it anymore, I just feel so awful looking at the mess that I'm really partly responsible for. Its no big deal, really, but I guess I just wanted to be perfect. Or at least for things to be perfect all the time, but how could they, when I'm nowhere as close?

Yeah back to where I fucked up. Well, during recess when I couldn't hold shit in anymore. During recess when I received that text. During recess when I hid in the toilet. The entire day when everybody was publicising the use of that toilet. Absolutely ticked me off, though I really have no right to be ticked. At the start of Lit, when I ran off and fell into the drain, tearing my already fucked-up-from-last-year's-sprain ankle ligament. I swear it took me literally every ounce of my self-control to not collapse and disintegrate into liquid angst when I figured what that meant, especially at this rather crucial period of the year. As if shit weren't fucked enough. And the day went on, and on. I'm too tired and I've been binging over everything. What sucks right now is that I have no choice because there is no other alternative to running, something I definitely am not up to doing right this
moment.

Spent a few hours reading, just desperately attempting to clear my head, with Athena. I guess it calmed me down, though something happened again. Talking to Sorfina helped rather much too. I'm just going to... bathe. And ice/elevate/smash or whatever it is I have to do to my ankle to fix it once and for all. Maybe even get some work done. Bye.

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