I feel absolutely lost. Haven't spoken today and barely sent a few texts to someone. I'm just so tired and I want myself back. I want to deserve happiness again. I don't want to feel the constant need to punish and hurt myself. Its driving me fucking insane and recently _______________. I don't want to be the completely delusional perfectionist I see myself becoming. I don't want to give up yet because life is almost too long and only the weak give up.