So here I am again, this time determined to produce a completely down-to-earth and sincere blog post. Its going to be difficult since I've been lying so much to everyone and even myself, its actually morphing into the truth. I really have to start reading again man, swear my English used to be so much better and I have to hesitate for seconds before picking right words and phrases in my head. It makes situations, and basically my life, awkward and no, awkwardness is completely redundant, judging by the state of things right now. To be honest, my life is in its least awkward stage right now, maybe the least in 2 years or so, since I hardly feel the need to fill every silence with meaningless blabber. I was born socially awkward, believe it or not.

Okay about my day. School felt so unreal and I failed my first pop quiz of the year. Way to go tata! Couldn't concentrate for nuts during double math, kept promising myself I'd catch up at home, maybe ask some smart triple science squadmate to tutor me. Who am I kidding? I barely have time to cope let alone improve myself. Okay so after that we had a horny CNY concert with horny lions, and lunch with part Athena at KFC! Bought friendship bands for everyone and ha tangyuans with 2 ants in it oh yeah baby.

Alright so far the demoralizing academic related stuffs are still... rather limited so I can give myself a clap for that. I love Bio, Lit and SS. Chinese is chinese and I can't understand half the hairy diarrhoea about Math and Chem. Sigh. What is a study date. What is an pass. I miss History more than anything right now man. I can't afford to fall anywhere close to the bottom 10 again this year. Not even bottom 40. Just realised how much everything else in life depends on my academics. Positions, people, everything is just focused and targetted on my weakest spot that I know I will do something about. I have to, and I'm not about to give up. Yet.

Okay big problem #2, friends sigh friends. Everybody's insecurities are reaching high-point day by day, and what can I do about that? It hurts me, knowing that my closest friend doesn't trust me enough to believe that I've told her everything she has to know. It frustrates the hell out of me to see you shun away my true suspicions and replace them with your assumptions
and judgement. It confuses me when I don't know whether you truly care or you just want to know for the sake of your curiosity and gossip, or to numb that itching feeling that you've been left out for awhile. And hello, there's just been so much going on, now of all times, so really I beg that you at least try to understand me when I can't be there 247, but trust that I'll definitely be there when you actually need me. I can't deal with all this along with everything else. I care. I care so much. Its just so hard sometimes, especially with a thousand other fickle commitments to fickle people and delusions. So many people, and I don't blame a single one of them because I know how it feels, more than anything.

Okay... Big problem #3. Her. I need to know if its just me being too darn delusional for my own good, or is it a two-sided thing, or what even. Please just enlighten me? You have no idea how it feels to just wait and wait and wait all day for something you already know is barely possible, and its what's left of 'barely' that keeps you going and hoping. Or maybe you do. Just please. Have a heart man and enlighten me someway or another, so that I won't be completely crushed when it all ends abruptly. Stop fucking playing with my feelings because I hate it. Yet I just don't know how to let go when there's that slightest chance that you care. Sorry I broke your promise.

As for big problems #4 and #5... I doubt they're very bloggable so yeah, good luck to me in hell for lying about not lying again.