Just so confused between who I am and who I should be. I'm a fucking awful friend really I'm pushing everyone and their problems out of my life because of..... everything. Too much to deal with along with all the problems pains troubles friendships can bring me. I dont want to socialise. Idk but i have to dont I or i'll be feeling way worse when i'm all alone and everybody's found their new friends. Cant even bring myself to cry man. I dont have time to. And then when I do, its always at the wrong. time.

I think my blog name is stupid. I'm not happy. I cant ever be because that part's lost its dominance a looong time ago like what, 8 months. Back then i had something to look forward to everyday man a l l those nights really I'd do anything to get that feeling back. But its over and i'm waay over that pathetic excuse of sweetness man. Everything feels too fake and forced now.

I wish everything that feels delusional and purely instinctual right now would turn into something more, something happy and dangerous. Some part of me tells me its not all imagination ad that part is all what keeps me going. Heyyyy.

Today was good and..... ok good. Found my wallet and my phone collapsed right after hip hip hooray. Trex improved loads and i'm just so proud of us t h a n k god for 30% better ground today man.