Really hard to hold on to things right now. Just really... Huge load of bullshit getting fresher and fresher by the day. Lets try to sum this up in a horribly categorized rant.

1. Barely understand Surds and Indices and we're already moving on to Log. Failed all the pop quizzes so far and its the first subject I'm going to be working on (for the week)

2. Failed my first higher chinese practice paper of the year, and had another this morning. Judging by my distraction and lack of focus/motivation and really just the fact that I can't bring myself to care or hope anymore, I'm more than prepared to fail again. Fall way harder on my face. I can't fail hcl. At this rate its going to be the only thing I can depend on to make it past O's.

3. SS. I always thought it would be sort of a substitute for History. My best subject that I fucking stupidly dropped, just like that. What even I literally don't know/understand shit about Northern Ireland. Anything but SS man I hate feeling helpless with my humanities.

4. Lit. Sigh. T.A. Finished 3.5 paragraphs of the first question and 1 PEEL for the second one. So much for fucking passion overruling talent. I gave up so much for lit sigh pray it'll work out.

5. Chemistry... I don't get half the bonds and really the memory work... Sigh. Haven't started memorising and my mindmap is... Lol.

6. Biology, the only thing I think I'm coping rather well with (by my standards: no fail)

7. Pianooooo sigh theory exam's on 17/18th march and here I am fucking clueless and barely recalling stuff I learnt in Grade 3.

8. People huh. Just reveal the minutest hint of your emotions and there they go hurling false words of affection and virtual caresses. Pretending to care about whatever it is you do during the darkest hours. I'm not in any place to judge or discriminate against the fakest people because I myself am on the verge of giving up on myself, despite all those posts and texts ALL MOTHER FUCKING BULLSHIT just typed out in the heat of the opportunity to pacify myself. Maybe I just miss having a best friend. Its been 3 years.

I think I've had a few real friends though and I find it inappropriate and disturbing to develop rainbowey shiney thoughts in the same paragraph. Thank you for caring, for checking and ensuring. You don't know how much you mean to me, really. I've never really told you. I've missed having such a friendship. I love you Honey.

9. Family sigh I won't even start because then I won't be able to stop and I can barely afford that now WHAT IS TIME

10. You seem insignificant in contrast to all the fuckery going on right now and I hope it remains that way. I can't afford to let you affect me anymore.

11. Someone
12. Somebody
13. Another one
14. Lol
15. Sigh

16. FOREVER TIRED REALLY physically mentally and EVERYTHING I practically went brain dead during this morning's cheena test. And when I say 'Tired' I don't mean it in the 'ohmigosh i just went shopping and i'm so tired i can die' or the 'so sick and tired of life i'll just slit my wrists tonight' way. I mean it in an Old way. My back hurts so much and I can barely straighten it right after bending down for more than a few seconds. My ankle is barely starting to recover from last september's sprain. My shin still throbs after years. I think my migraine is coming back. Eyes hurt all the time not to mention dry as hell. Hair isn't helping. Getting home after 7 everyday wanting nothing more than a hot bathe and temporary numbness from the world. Being hot tempered all the time, at the peak whenever I speak to my family and that stresses me out. Okay not starting on that.

Letting No. 10-15 go right now because aiyo

Despite all my efforts I still feel lonely as ever. I won't dare say that this is the worst phase I've had to go through so far because I barely remember those events last year. As if I want to, when it all started. Still so much I want to say but its already 8.45 and sigh I promise I'll try and I promise that promise was for real.

Ps. Feels as if i lost a part of me along with my hair

Pps. Zzzzzleeep